Wednesday, September 30, 2009

how do i say goodbye?

i've never met her in person.
just emails and a phone call once....
some real good interactions tho.
and i've grown to really care about her.

and she's dying.

she posted her health status in a note
on facebook.

she laid it out there and just told it
like it is.

i was running thru.
didn't want to just read it fast.
that seemed so wrong.
so i printed it out.

finished up at work, ran up to my room
to finish painting and thought of her the
whole time.

when i was all done and it was totally
quiet, i sat down with what she had written.

i am so grateful to her for putting it out there
and just saying what's going on. it helps to know
how she's feeling and what's happening with her.

it helps.
and it hurts.

i thought about dying.
saying goodbye.

we all have to do it.

i'm not ready.
i don't want to.

will i ever be?

what can i do to ease what she's feeling?
how can i help her?
how can i tell her that i'll carry her with
me for as long as i'm here??
how do you say that???

how do you tell someone you've never met that
they've touched your life in a gigantic way?

how do you ever know they really hear you and
understand how deeply you mean it??

how do we learn how to say goodbye?

i don't wan to be a person she has to help
with this.

i want to help her.

she doesn't need to take care of

she needs take care of her.

and i honestly don't know how.

how do i say goodbye?


Melissa said...

oh terri...

holding you in my thoughts.

Melissa said...

oh terri...

I wish I had something more profound to say. But sometimes there just don't seem to be words.

so just know I'm holding you in my thoughts.

Merry ME said...

I seem to recall some dumb game we played in grade school. I don't know the name or even the point. But I remember there was a big circle of people and a person standing inside. Maybe lots of people. Was the object to capture or release?

My point is this, I have a visual of a circle of love. People from all over the world, big, little, short, tall, men, women, kids, maybe even a dog or a cat. Everyone is united in embracing a person - whoever is there at the moment. That person doesn't have to do anything but stand there and feel the love.

In my mind's eye your friend is in the circle. And you are there too. Holding her hand.

Bless you for your compassion. For feeling when it might be easier to shut down. For sharing the story so that the love can flow.