Tuesday, November 3, 2009

the haze is okay

i was struggling with something this morning.
just wrote a note explaining what i was feeling....
and in it i wrote 'i need to get comfortable with
this before it happens.'

and while i hit the send button and sent it,
that line lingered in my head.

no, i don't.
i really don't.

if i throw in the infamous new yin yang principle
(see post below) i really don't HAVE to get
comfortable with something i'm not comforable with.

there are things that i'm comfortable with and
things i'm not. and they will always be swirling
around. and that's okay. it's not one or the other.
there's always a mix.

if i fight to make it all 'okay' inside me....
then i'm not honoring the principle. and i want
to try honoring this idea of mine for a little
while and see how it works.

the idea of letting it all be.

maybe there's another layer to all this.

what i'm uncomfortable with, doesn't feel right to me.
but i'm not doing anything against my values. it
just feels uncomfortable to me. BUT at the same time,
it's honoring someone else's wishes.

so now....maybe if i can dig down to the bigger
thing.....do i feel comfortable honoring someone's
wishes as long as it doesn't go against my values?
yeah. yeah. i can do that.

and yeah, that's what i would choose to do.
that seems to be the respectful thing to do.

so.....there's two ways to honor someone's wishes...
willingly. or begrudgingly.

well...okay.......i gotta do it willingly.
i know that.

so okay. maybe putting out there how it feels to me
and being honest, and then willingly doing what they
ask is the way to go.

and then all the time knowing that there is never
any clear answer. it's always a haze....

and the haze is okay.

i'm gonna give it a shot and see how it fits today....

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