Sunday, December 20, 2009

no small feat

living apart like we do and trying to have the
relationship that we do is challenging to say
the least. we've made the choice and we work
hard at it. sometimes it totally rocks. sometimes
it totally sucks.

yesterday morning found me on the phone with
him in yet another challenging conversation.
it was one of those sucky moments.

it was tense and frustrating. we got thru it
and decided it would be good to spend the day
together. i just wanted to have fun. it was a
snow day. let's just have fun.

calling on his way over his voice was filled
with that sound he gets when he loves something...
he told me he was on the way, and that his truck
was handling the snow unbelievably well. (this
was the first snow storm he'd had it in.)

'it's a thrill, isn't it?' i asked him with a grin.

i hung up. he was such a darn guy. and i liked it.
okay, we're gonna do okay. we're gonna do okay.

when he pulled in, i watched him get out of his
truck and put on a totally silly christmas hat.
i ran to get the totally silly hat i had just
got. when i flung open the front door in my hat
looking at him standing there in his...
i knew it was gonna be better than okay.

i hate those sucky times we have. i really really
do. and yet yesterday i saw how far we had come
thru them.

i wouldn't have been able to have the good day
i had like that a few years ago. it woulda blown
the whole weekend.

i'm learnin' a lot about accepting him....and
about accepting me.

those moments still suck.
a lot.
but the growth has truly been happening.
in both of us.

and THAT feels like we're doin' something right,
even in the tough parts.

looking back at a failed marriage, i'm thinking
that's no small feat.

and i know that we need to just keep on growin'.

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