smudgy

i so wanted to feel the cold this morning.
well, the REAL cold.
it was cold enough in the house.
we have a weird house, and some places
are warm, and some places have no heat.
you gotta get things rollin' in those spots
to warm them up....
so i was feelin' cold already....
but i wanted the outside cold.

the last few weeks feels like all i've
experienced of the cold is walking between
the car and the house or the car and wherever
i'm going. that's not touching the cold.
that's fighting the cold.

i wanted to hang out with the cold and feel
it on my face. wanted to just be with it.

as i headed out, i walked thru the yard.
wow. the ground was so frozen. it felt odd
under my feet frozen like that.

the sky was lit up with its morning magic.
when it lights up like that, my insides
light up.

i looked over to my right.
oh!
there was the moon.
all smokey smudgy.

i walked with the moon on my right,
the pink sky on my left.
turning the corner to the sky's stage area,
i was wowed by the clouds forming this really
huge arrow pointing off into the distance.

how cool!

i tried to line myself up with the end of the
arrow. i somehow felt like if i could get in
line with it, i could maybe go off with it to
wherever it was pointing to.

i just couldn't line up right tho.
so i stopped trying and just stood there and
watched it.

the colors changed and they seemed to get all
smudgy too. the arrow seemed to be disappearing.
i started to walk again, took a few steps
and stopped.

hey.
if i stand over here, i see the arrow again.
hey.
if i stand right here, i'm lined up with it.
hey.
hey.
hey.
look at this.
i'm right at the very end of the arrow.
if i stand real still, maybe it will take me with
it.

i stood for a bit. realized i had gotten way cold,
and started walking for home.

the sky was a big ol' pastel smudge by now.
like if you colored the sky with chalk on a chalk
board and then took your hand and smeared it all.

you could toss in the moon and do the same thing.
you'd have one big beautiful smudgy mess of a sky.
and that's what i had.

it looks so soft, i thought.
and just then i hit my yard again.
heard my feet thud on the ground.
woe.
that's so frozen.

i stopped.
turned.
looked up.
felt the frozen solid earth beneath me.
looked at the soft warm colored sky above me.

there's a time and a place for all of it, i thought.
which made me think of all the parts of me.

there's a time and a place for all of them too,
i thought.

there's a time and a place for all of them.....
and there's a beauty to every part.

how totally cool.