Wednesday, February 10, 2010

dustin' off my hands...

i got up this morning and messed up a frame
for one of the pieces i'm putting in an art
show. i ruined the frame and have to get another.
so any profits from that piece, i just lost.

i'm only entering two pieces.

usually something like that doesn't bother me
a lot. but this morning, it bummed me out.
like a low level hum of a bum runnin' thru me.

i walked and thought about the frame, how even
if i hadn't ruined it, i wouldn't make enough
on the show to even cover my traveling expenses
for the show...and i started thinking about money.

and i was gloomy and clingy and money centered.

and i looked at the snow falling all around me
and i stopped and i looked at myself and said
what ARE you doing???

what ARE you doing, ter???
where ARE you???

isn't this all around you telling you something?
isn't it reminding you of what matters???

earlier this morning i had gotten sad because it
feels to me like so many people are missing the
beauty of the snow. they're caught up in the
inconvenience and missing the beauty. and it made
me sad. how come they can't see it? how come they
let it pass and don't hold it?

she says as she goes out thinking gloomy money
thoughts in the middle of a winter wonderland.

how perfect.
how perfect.

and how odd.
it was so unlike me.
and was a side of me i have.
and it helped me see the ones i felt sad about.

i could see as i walked how people can miss it.
how we get sidetracked with distractions and things
that don't matter.

the money doesn't matter, ter.
give it away.
and i decided right then that i'd give my profits away.
(and no, it's not much money....but it's symbolic to me)

give it away, ter, and hold this right here.

and i walked and i felt the snow on my skin.

a pick up truck was coming down the road. there wasn't
anywhere for me to go. i looked around a bit and just
squeezed to the side as best i could, and i jokingly
sucked in my stomach and held it in with my hands.

the guy rolled down his window, laughed, said good morning
and left me there with a big smile on my face.
i noticed it. and held it.

it's way too easy to get distracted with things that
don't matter. way to easy to let stupid things get you

i look out at the snow as i type and my eyes just
well with tears. there's way too much beauty to hold.
i can't even hold a fraction of it if my hands are
empty and willing. how can i hold any of it if my
hands are filled with things that don't matter?

dustin' off my hands and holdin' them out to the
universe.......fill me with beauty today. i'll
hold it as best i can. i'll try, anyway.

1 comment:

pattie said...

and here I was going to ask you how you are doing with all the snow!! But I can see by this post and the last one that you are listening to the white silence...that you are playing in the white beauty...that you are having fun and looking within....No need to worry about you!