Wednesday, April 21, 2010

bein' gentle

i think it's kinda funny that my quote of the
days are talkin' to me....
i don't usually even pay attention to them.

this was today's.......

'believing that every thought counts,
every word matters,
and every action is power -
she chose to fill them
with gentleness and love.'

i read that and then walked.
the last few days have been filled with
bumps for me.

things that are pulling up old demons.

old demons generally unleash all kindsa
things in me...

i sat and did a little inner child work
last nite....was good. i haven't done
that in a long time. this style is some
writing in a journal.

what i saw happening was some wisdom comin'
out from my depths...and i don't want to
listen to it.

i have to laugh.....
great. you finally get some wisdom coming
out and you don't want to hear it.

hmmmm.....good, ter.
real good.

little terri hands me the wisdom then says
'you lead, i'll follow.'

oh great.

i lead with wisdom i don't want to hear.

this should be good.

and how interesting to get the challenge to lead.

and so i walked thinking about filling my
thoughts and actions with gentleness and love...

okay.....i can do that.
but first......i have to do that with me.
big terri.

cause i gotta tell ya, if a 48 year old woman
could crawl into a mama's lap and just curl
in there....i'd do it.

so the gentleness and love starts with all of
me.

it's weird.....i want to integrate me so there's
really only one me. but right now, i know there's
not. there's many parts. and when i choose to take
care of one part...i gotta remember all the parts.

i have a friend who's been reminding me.
she's been tellin' me this all along.
sometimes i'm dense....
but i got it now.

i walked and thought about being gentle with me.
acknowledging the pain that's surfacing and allowing
it. allowing me to be me. and knowing that that's
the first step to taking all these things i want to
mix together and live.

acknowledge where you're at ter....know you'll fill
your actions with gentleness and love.....
and start with you.

then you can lead, and all of you will follow.

5 comments:

Zenchick said...

just for the record...it's easy to remind someone else :-) it's not like that *friend* is always willing to listen to any wisdom, including her own...or is even remotely gentle all the time...

Qn Dani said...

"cause i gotta tell ya, if a 48 year old woman
could crawl into a mama's lap and just curl
in there....i'd do it."

This 53 year old woman crawls up into a mama's lap and curls up all the time.

It's such a nice place to be.

I just read something that made such sense to me....."we are mothers ourselves before we become daughters. (of the sacred mother.)

wunderkindred said...

Won't it be awesome when being gentle with ourselves is a habit and it would surprise us to think we weren't doing it?

christie said...

Could very much relate to this post, well most of them really, but this, today really resonated with what I'm dealing with as well, and that feeling of wanting to curl up in the mother's lap, yeah, that's one that brings tears to my eyes.
I guess many of us are learning to mother ourselves, to be the mother that we need, the one that is gentle always.

Rachel Miller said...

"cause i gotta tell ya, if a 48 year old woman
could crawl into a mama's lap and just curl
in there....i'd do it."

Wouldn't we all! There is something about the comfort of a lap. I don't even always need a mama's lap. It's a good thing my husband's built like a linebacker and I'm really little. His lap works great!

The trick for me is to be ok with needing to just take comfort from someone else. You put it really well, "being gentle with myself". This is something I needed to be reminded of today.

Thanks!