in for the challenge

a few things these past few days have me thinking
about life, love, our jobs and the work we put into
them.

i realized how much i've changed and what a mix
i've become over the years.

several years ago, i finally started understanding
life isn't a disney movie. that just makes me laugh.
i had to get into my forties to figure that out!

so what the heck do i mean by that?

well....i guess i mean....
life doesn't wrap itself up beautifully all the time,
happily ever afters are rare. nothing stays the same,
things change and life is full of sorrow and pain.
you have to work at making your life what you want,
and you have to work at the love in your life.

hmmmmm......sound bleak? yeah,
when i first started believing this, i think i felt
bleak.

i think the belief was born out of some bleak stuff
in my life.

but it doesn't feel bleak any more.
it feels good, right, and even exciting.
it feels more like it's about me making life happen
to me instead letting life just happen.

i don't think you can reach 48 and not understand
that life is full of sorrow and pain. but does that
make it less? or does that make it more?
same with love....i truly believe you have to work
on your relationships, i believe that completely,
and am excited about that thought. does that make it
less or does that make it more?

i think i finally understand all this adds more.

in the meeting with my small business counselor the
other day i told him i moped, was depressed, and lost
with my business. he lifted his eyebrows in surprise.
you were? he asked.
yeah. i was.
and then i figured out if i'm gonna make this work,
i'd better get my little self up and make it work.
he smiled and said 'welcome to the world of small
business owners.'

while he offered a lot of helpful input, that was my
favorite thing he said thru the whole meeting.

it totally acknowledged it's up to me to make it work.
and that i had a choice in the matter.

i love that.
and yeah, i hate that at times.
but mostly i love that.

when i look at where i am with that goofy guy in my life....
and all the work we've done to make us something healthy,
i feel so good about that.

when i look at what the kids and i have done together, and
all the efforts we've put in to make our lives work...
it feels so darn right.

because along with the sorrow and pain, and the work and
the effort, i haven't forgotten the joy and happiness.
i understand now, more than ever, that it's one huge mix.
the joy and the happiness don't go away with the sorrow
and the pain stuff......it all somehow adds to each other.

i think what i did was finally figure out life is everything.
and all of it adds to the depths of the whole deal.

when i look back at all the darkness i've walked thru,
i see all the light it brought me to. when i look back at
the work i've done, i see the muscles that were built thru
the efforts, and when i laugh and feel joy, it's a deep joy
that holds the understanding of the preciousness of life.

i feel really good about that.

'welcome to the world of small business owners,' he said.

yeah.
welcome to the world of being human, she said.
welcome to the world of being a parent, a friend, a lover,
a home owner, a person trying to open her heart...

it's yours to make what you want.
sorrow, pain, oh yeah...joy, happiness, glee...for sure....
it's up to you to wrap yourself around all of it and to live
it with all you've got.

that feels really right to me.
i am so in for the challenge.