Wednesday, May 12, 2010

i done good

i was love.

i was.

i really really was.

and the one time i really didn't want to be....
the one time i really wanted to be a dark cloud
full of resentment, i took a walk outside around
the house.

'you're here to sprinkle stars,' i told myself.

'you can do it. do it now. this is your biggest
challenge. do it.'

i walked around the house saying out loud 'you
can do it, you can do it.'

and i did it. i went in and did it.

when i got in my car to drive home i knew i had
done really good.

and yet, an overwhelming sadness came over me.

just overwhelming.

it took me awhile before i went to little terri.
of course. something this's little
terri related.

i sat her in my lap and we both drove the car
home. we put stars on each other as we drove
and i told her i loved her.

we talked.
and we headed back to a life of love.

the drive is really kinda cool. a straight shot
away from one life into my life now.
it's very symbolic and i use that in my mind.
as i get closer to home i pictured the love
waiting for me.

i'm still sad.
and that makes sense.

it's okay.

tomorrow, i'm hoping to celebrate how good i did.
cause it really is a cause for celebration.

sadness first.
as that's inside me right now.

then celebration........cause that's inside me too!


Merry ME said...

Clapping and whooping it up over here.
You done good.
Lots of hugs and smiles to you and Little Ter.

Pamela Jones said...

You go, star woman! It takes very real courage to embrace the sadness. It's like all these years you maybe were avoiding truly taking it all in, because then you find out that you really ARE different from the people you most want to be close to. What is awesome is that even though you are judged for being different (just a guess...nothing like this EVER has happened to me), you sprinkled yourself all over them and said, "this is who I am." And then...the totally awesome happy ending to the drove back to your place of love! How cool is that? How amazing is your starry-ness?

Love you, Ter...just love you!