Friday, May 28, 2010

the news

she was filling me in.
i knew it was bad already, but now i was
hearin' it from her.

i was steady and gentle for her when my
insides were flippin' around and gettin'

when she said 'incurable' i could feel my
hand pulling my hair,i felt it as i did
it but i stayed steady and gentle for
her. it was the phone. she couldn't see the
hair pulling.

i hung up and fell apart. bob called right
then. i fell apart all over him. i hung up,
pulled myself together long enough to get
up to the bathroom and by the guys without
them noticing me so i could come back and
fall apart a little more.

i wasn't ready to tell them yet.

closing the door back in my studio, i fell
apart a little more. the phone rang again.
a best friend.

don't, ter.
you can't pull it together.
as i was telling myself not to pick up the
phone, i picked up the phone.

and fell apart again.
she was steady and gentle with me.
i really really needed her then.
apparently the hand picking up the phone
knew that more than my brain did.

last nite i lay in my bed watching the breeze
blow the window curtains.

this is going to be a very full summer.
i watched the curtains go in and out.
it's a precious gift i've got.
i've got life. and it is so full of pain

at the same is so full of love.

there's a lot of really bad parts to this story
i can focus on....and yet, i think of the love
that i feel for her.

i'm gonna hold that and i'm gonna be present
and i'm gonna focus on that.

there will be stars here.
i'm just gonna have to look closer.
way closer sometimes.........

but they will be here.
they are here.

they shine steadily on.........


peggi said...

i found a card once that i should have bought hundreds of, because it said it all....

"i never know what to say at times like this.....
if only you could send hugs through the mail."

sending you the biggest virtual hug you can imagine.


Melissa said...

sometimes when our hearts are shattered, it feels like the pieces will never go back together. So you pick them up and hold them safely until it's time.

I love you.