thinking of her...

there's something i've been holding in my heart
as i've gone thru the celebrating...and even
as i hit the sad this morning...i haven't put it
down at all.

someone came thru and shared her story with me
the other day. i'm so lucky people do that.

her story was probably the hardest story i ever
heard, and she only told me a tiny piece of it.
and i've held it since the moment i read it.

how she survived, i have no idea.
but survive she did, and beyond that.....she's
becoming.

she really is.

i could tell by her notes.

i've been thinking of her a lot.
and this morning i thought of her a whole whole lot.

i got sad...sick to my stomach even from some of my
ghosts. and my gosh, my ghosts are nothing compared to
hers.

and i know my birthday brought them out.

and i know, from what she said, her birthday is gonna
bring hers out big time. and that's soon.

i took a deep breath and thought of her getting thru
all that. and what would i say to her if i could be with
her when it was all coming rushing in on her...

what would i say???

i think it would be something like this........

i would hold her hands tight. both of them.
and i would stare into her eyes...and thru tears
i would tell her from my whole being....

'you have no idea how beautiful you are.
to take what you've been thru, and not only still
be here, but to be giving back to the world.....
to know that your heart got you thru......
you have no idea what a treasure you are.
they couldn't take that from you.
do you see that???
THEY COULDN'T TAKE THAT FROM YOU.
no one can. you proved that.
and instead of seeing the blackness and feeling
weighed down by it....see your light.
honest to pete, see that light.
see your heart.
rejoice on your birthday for the way you have
chosen to use your gift of life.
let go of the darkness......
and hold your light.
you are so definitely worthy, woman.
you are so definitely worthy.
celebrate who you have become.'

i honestly have no right to compare anything in
my life to what she's been thru...but as she and
i agreed, circumstances may be entirely different,
emotions are the same.

when i think of her and send her that message in
my heart, in my mind......there's part of me
nudging me to take the message for myself also.

maybe all of us can take that message in some form...
and remember our lights. and see our lights today...