okay. i'm pretty excited about this one.....
i was feelin' pretty out of sorts.
the out of sorts where i just go eat stuff.
BUT i'm reading 'women, food and god'
and she's talking about binge eating and how we
are covering up our feelings when we do that.
i know that. but she's exploring it in the book
and it's really making me think.
so all that's on my mind.
so i'm upset and i think.......i'm gonna just eat
something. something with guacamole on it.
i'm laughing as i type this, but that's what i was
and i think of the book. and how i'm just tryin'
to cover my feelings.
'yep. i am.' i tell myself. 'and i'm gonna go ahead
and do it anyway. so there.'
okay, so that's not so good. and i would have done
that except that the guys had already eaten, and
i knew they were full. that slowed me down. it made
and all i needed was that little bit of slow down.
cause then i thought about it and said okay, i'll
go take a shower.
(i just learned how valuable the slow down is for
me! i gotta keep that pause in mind!!)
so in the shower i think of the book, and i think of
the feelings i'm tryin' to stuff down.
anger. a whole lot of anger, resentment and frustration.
'okay' i tell myself. 'that's what you have. and you
may have that for awhile. okay. how about you treat
yourself good thru this? how about you eat good and
don't binge and make yourself feel bad? how about if
you're good to yourself while you're hurting?'
and that was it.
and saying that to myself......allowing the feelings
without having to DO anything with them and suggesting
that i treat myself good......well, it was totally
no fixing myself, no examining it all, no holding it
and dealing with it. just knowing it was there and would
prolly be there for a bit...and knowing that is a great
time for some extra care......that was it.
that's all it took. i went and made myself dinner.
was aware of not overeating and relaxed.
and then, when i tucked myself in at nite, i offered
myself compassion for the circumstances leading to
i wanted to top it all off with compassion for myself.
i fell asleep doin' that...
first time in my life i can ever remember doin' anything
and this so ties in to the travelin from my head to my
heart......i want to trust my heart.
last nite i did.