changes

i read something from my past yesterday
that made me gasp. it was from when i was
18 years old.

18 years old.
is that even possible???

and my gosh, i coulda written it today.
the same sappy, scared but gonna do it
anyway, let's talk deep for awhile person...

that really floors me....
because in some ways i gotta tell you, i
am completely different.

i look back on some things i've been thru
and know without any doubt that those things
would never happen again...

a lot of the changes are personal boundaries
and self worth stuff...a lot of what stayed
the same is personality stuff.

it has me thinking about change.

i just wrote someone who has told me they wanted
to learn how to be better at relationships.
in our exchange, it was clear to me they they
want to learn without any effort.

i honestly don't have time for that thinking
any more.

whatever.
do your thing.

i'll be busy doin' mine.
that right there is a change.
i used to feel like i had to help pull them
along. oh no. not anymore.
it's hard enough to pull myself!

change isn't always growth.
i've seen that too.

18 was lifetimes ago.
the time passes soooo darn fast....

what will i look back on at 49 and grin
about??

i want to keep changing......and i want the
change to be growth.....

something to think about this weekend.......