Saturday, July 17, 2010

heartless or growing?

she was struggling with a decision she had to make.
i listened, told myself to shut up as she didn't ask
my advice, listened to someone else give her advice,
told myself to shut up...and then said something.

i said this is probably obnoxious, but i just want
to remind you of how it is we want to live and what
it is we believe in.....and i reminded her.

later, talking to someone who was in her dark night
of the soul i told her that while i really really
felt for her for the hurt she must be having, i wasn't
sorry for her. cause i knew what she was gonna get out
of this. and that was something that was so great, i
knew it was gonna overshadow the other....eventually.

then reading a note from another friend this morning
who had some really hard stuff come up, similar thoughts
came thru to me.

this is the stuff that makes us grow.

it's so much easier seein' it when it's happening to other

wish it was that easy with my own stuff....

but........this is progress for me.
usually i get so lost in the pain i feel for my friends,
that even tho i know they'll get good out of it, the pain
feels too much.

i want to joke that maybe i've gotten heartless....
but i think that maybe i'm really gettin' to be a believer.

with my own gunk last week, i backed up at one point and said
okay, okay, if i was writing my life script, i'd put this stuff
in there. it's been hard and sucky....but it's been a whole lotta
other things one of my best teachers.

somewhere, somehow that's really sinkin' into this noggin.

doesn't mean i'm dancin' thru this stuff.....
but it does mean i'm starting to see and remember the gold
we gain......

that seems pretty important to remember.

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