quiet time

i read the news today.

actually, i read the news most days.
but i've taught myself how to catch what's
goin' on without draggin' myself thru
the pits of despair.

today, tho, i goofed.
and read a story that made me so sad and sick.
i'm not sorry i read it tho as it feels important
to me to send some prayers in that direction.
and that's what i'm gonna do.
it truly truly truly affected me deeply.

sometimes i don't know what to do with the pain
and violence of this world.

i decided to work on my numbers and just sit
quietly.

the guys' music is playin in the other room.
usually i like this one song they play....it's angry
and full of rage and i think it has a really valid
point about some hurt that people have gone thru. it
matters to me.

but today, i heard it start and i got up to close
my door.

noah looked over and realized it was the music.
i'm actually surprised at how perceptive he was.
sometimes i close the door to make a call or to
write or to think.......

but he knew right away.
'we can play something else' he said.

'i can't deal with any songs about anyone hurting
anyone.' i said.

he cocked his head sideways.

'i read the news.'

'you gotta stop doin' that.'

'yeah. yeah. i know.'

i so wish the cruelty and violence didn't exist.
and yet, they do.......so big time they do.

i don't know how to hold it.
i guess i can't.
but i can keep tryin' to offer light........

over and over again.