a visit from an old friend....

it's pretty incoherent, just a fragment...
cause that's all i got.

i'm pretty sure i figured out that 'it's not about
the reward.'

think somewhere, somehow, that sunk in for real.

i don't exactly know how that whole theme took over
inside of me...but i'm pretty sure it did.

and it's a relief to sweep it out of me.

but where does that leave the magic??

i hadn't gotten that far.

the question made me nervous, and i just hadn't
stopped to figure it out.

a friend called with a problem, i went out to meet
her and talk about it.

thru the whole thing, i kept thinking of this stuff
that has sunk in in the last 48 hours.

i saw it fitting in places for her....but not everyone
needs my lessons for their stuff! so i threw a little
bit in there when it felt right, but kept most of it
for my own learning.

when i got home, there was an order from a catalog i
work with.

and this very quiet, very profound BAM hit me all
thru out my insides.

there's a story with this catalog.
i've been workin' with them from the very beginning.
from the very beginning.
and believe me, there has been constant strides in learning
how to let go, release, get in the right place to do
what i gotta do. it's been a constant growing thing.
from the very beginning.
ESPECIALLY in the very beginning.

and at ALL the really significant spots with that....
every time i tried so hard to release the grasping, or
whatever it was i needed to do....when i finally got there....
EVERY TIME....there was an order from this catalog.

no kidding.

it got so that even my engineer boyfriend's eyes would
get big and even he'd be amazed.

i rarely work with that catalog anymore.
seriously, it's rare to get an order now.
i don't ever look for them anymore.

when i walked in last nite and there was an order after
a whole day of me feeling like i stepped into a place
i so badly needed to step into...

it was like an old friend had come back to me.
and no, i don't mean the catalog!
i mean the universe!

seriously.

it was like the universe landed and said 'you were
wonderin' about magic? it's still here.'

i didn't cry.

on the outside.

but on the inside, i really did.

i felt the universe like i hadn't in ages.
and i had missed it.

i don't get it yet.
i don't understand yet.

but i'm not sure i have to.
as long as i'm open to it...

i don't believe there are rewards for doin' it
'right.'

at the same time...without a doubt, the universe put it
in front of my face last nite...i know there's magic.

how all that works, i have no idea.

but i'm not sure i even care right now.

i'm just so happy to be reminded.