a whiney bear

man, i heard myself on the phone this morning.
yuck.
like a whiney bear.

tried to ride bikes with yo this morning.
i hurt my foot last week and have been layin low.
this was my first ride in awhile.

that went about the same as the phone call.
and had to call it quits early as i was afraid i
was hurtin' my foot.

yo rode up next to me sayin' 'happy thoughts, mom,
happy thoughts.'

grrrrrrrrr........

i wondered how people who spent life times in moods
like this stood themselves.

'i'm just gonna try this again' i said.
and went in to my room and lay down.

closed my eyes and kinda fell into a sea of
something.......

exhaustion???

i haven't done anything.

how can i be exhausted???

and then i thought of all the stuff that has
been whirlin' around me.....

yeah, i'm comin' out into the clearing and handling
things and feelin' better about things....

but you know what?
it's worn me right on out.

i realized this and just released into the feeling.

just acknowledgin' that it's been darn stinky hard,
seemed to be something i needed.

and that it's not all 'fixing itself' quite like i'd
pick or as fast as i'd pick. or even at all.

yeah.

whiney grouchy bear.

made sense.

i allowed myself to just rest a bit.
nothin' else.

just rest.

and i thought of the importance of being heard.

this morning, i needed to hear me.
just hear that it's been hard and i'm worn out a bit.
and that i'm ready to get back up into it all,
and feel good about that...
but maybe i just need to know it's been hard.

that's it.
nothin' more.

something so easy that can just get so missed.