again.

i had grabbed a book off my book shelf the other day.
it's one i never got into, but always felt like i 'should.'

this morning i picked it up for a few minutes pretty sure
i'd get discouraged and put it back down...
and pow.....
it hit me in the face.

the author wrote of 'intentions.'

i remember when that word became some sorta rage and
i kept hearing how i needed to set my intentions. people
i didn't even know where telling me about it. strangers
saying to me 'you really need to set your intentions.'

as is typical with me, i hear a phrase, like it, want to
work with it, and then don't.

and then i stumble into workin' with it without even knowing
i'm doing it. afterwards i usually stand back and go
'ohhhhhhhhh..........look. i did it.'

and then as is also typical of me, i forget and lose what
i had found.

definitely the deal with intentions.

so this morning i'm reading it and i can feel this awareness
fall over my whole body.

oh man.

what EXACTLY are my intentions?

they have sooo gotten scrambled.

that's what i've been figurin' out the last few days, that
my thoughts and beliefs and stuff have gotten scrambled.

well, throw in scrambled intentions.

and here's the thing....
as soon as i realized it, i realized the honesty with which
i'd have to look at things i'm doin'. and it didn't feel
like it was gonna be easy.

okay, okay, i kinda grumbled.
i KNOW i need to look at this now.
i KNOW it.

turning to distract myself from honestly having to look at
what was in my heart, i went to my email.

the gods will not have me distracted this morning.

there in my email is a medical report on what exactly happened
in that 14 hour surgery i mentioned blogs below.
my family isn't big on facts. luckily, she has a sister
who is. and finally, finally, we got updated on what
exactly they did to her.

the list was endless.
it made my stomach wobble.

and it kinda slammed how incredibly lucky i am right in
my face.

that's two face hits in the period of 15 minutes.

and they totally go together.

i have the power to create my intentions and to act on them.

i know......no one has to remind me..........that i don't
have power over everything that happens in my life.
i know that.

but i have power over how honestly i look at myself and
my intentions.

i have power of how much i direct everything i do in the
direction of good health.

good health.
i don't mean taking my power and just passin' on the
french fries....i mean passin' on the negative thoughts.
passin' on the dwelling on of what i don't have.

i mean concentrating on focusing on what matters to me,
on building up the positive, on letting go of the anger
and the fear.

all that stuff.

all that stuff that is so part of health.

i mean, taking some time today and really sitting and making
honest intentions for good in my life and for honestly looking
at how i make that happen.

for tossing the unhealthy, and turning toward the healthy.

odd how much strength that takes.

but i've found my intentions.

again.