and there was shame...

and there it was.
i hadn't even recognized it til i started
explaining it...
the emotional explanation made it pretty clear.

shame.

my gosh.

shame again.

funny, one of the things that stands out for me
in this intense conversation is him thanking me
for seein' it. and for seein' what it's about.

that stands out in my head as not too long ago,
i remember thanking him for seein' something he
needed to see. and i remember how profound the
moment felt to me.

i'm usually pretty caught up in my own needing
to see things for me. but that's so limited.
truly, truly the people around us need us to see.

there's something about waiting for a person to see...
needing them to see...being present when it clicks...
your thanking them for seeing...
not some patronizing thank you...
but something that breathes a sigh of relief for both of you...
where you know you broke thru something together...
and waiting there quietly for the person doing the seeing
to catch their breath...
and the person catching their breath knowing it's safe.
there's something deeply intimate about that.

it's a gift mixed in the muck.

and now, after it's seen...
what then?

why you face it, of course, ter.
you face it.

and you hold it.
and you offer yourself compassion.

and then what???
do you put it down???
when it clings to you and won't be put down??

that's where i get stuck.

maybe you reach out to hold something else too.
and maybe the other...the different...non shame...
the love...maybe that grows and as that grows the
shame shrinks....

i don't know.

i'll start with compassion.
and holding something else too...
holding the love...

and see where that leads me.....