Monday, October 4, 2010

an early morning marathon....

i've only been awake a couple of hours and
i've already walked thru a thousand emotions.

here's a new theory i just made up that i'm goin'
with this morning. okay, i don't really believe it,
but i think it's fun anyway.

every day you get dealt out a certain amount of
emotions to go thru. how you spend them thru out
the day is up to you as long as you feel them at
some point during the day.

wouldn't that be wild???

well, i really think i just went thru my whole
day's allotment! in two hours!

i could feel some stuff kinda bumpin' up against
my edges as i headed out for a walk in the rain.

this is the first morning in about a month that my
foot worked good and i was movin' at a nice pace
with no pain. and it seemed the faster i went,
the more i went into this kinda weird space.

i looked at my shadow on the street at one point
as i walked under a street lamp. i coulda been a
young girl by just lookin' at that shadow. i
thought of that. and tried to wrap my head around
the fact that i wasn't.

i'll be 50 next year, i thought.
man, i can't figure that out.
and this kinda panic went thru me.

i've been on my own for almost ten years. i can't
believe that. what am i doin'? where am i goin'?
this craze ran thru me.
i walked faster.
the rain pelting against my face.

all the life questions i have ran thru me.
made me crazy.

i came in and did some exercising to warm up from
the cold rain...
the emotions went all over....
good stuff, bad stuff, profound stuff, even feminine

i sat up on my floor and looked out the window...
just sat and felt.

how do you explain this??
i sat there and felt like a woman.

yeah, that makes sense, huh?

i sat there and felt calm and profound and happy
and feminine.

and i realized i had just run a marathon thru my

i have no idea why, but i feel relieved.
like i needed to just get thru some of them.

this whole new theory that i don't believe has me
intrigued. what if i looked at it is the emotions
making their rounds for the day?

seems like it would take some of the punch away.
seems like i could allow more and let go more.

i have to think about it.
but for now, i'm hopin' i got the rounds done early
and i'll just be steady for the rest of the day.

what are the chances??

1 comment:

Merry ME said...

"I sat there and felt like a woman."

WIth all those emotions going through you, what a blessing to be able to sit and feel the person you were made to be. Chances are, in my opinion, that's what women do - feel emotions!

To just sit and feel. Sounds zen-ish!