something to ponder

my mind was muddled.
i needed a longer walk and i knew it.
it was up to my 'goodmorningworld' spot today.
and as i walked i thunked everything out in
front of me.

okay. this is what you got.
and i laid it all out there piece by piece.

and i'd pick up this piece and look at it.
and then i'd pick up another and look at it.
and then i'd pick up a couple things together and
see how they worked together.

what's the healthy way to handle this? i wondered.
is it better to just do this? i asked myself.
nah, that's no good.
it's not honest.

and so i kept looking, pondering and figuring.

i saw a lot, but wasn't sure what to do with it all.

where does this leave me? what do i do with it?

i came up with some nice philosophical thoughts that
sounded nice, but didn't seem to hit exactly right.

and then.
bam.

'it makes me feel invalidated.' came into my head.

and right out loud, on my walk, i said BINGO and
hit my fist to my hand.

then i smiled.
that reaction seemed to indicate it hit right.

okay.
okay.
that makes sense.
you feel invalidated.

what do you do with that???

and that's where it all turned to me.
and when it all turns to me, i know i'm goin' in the
right direction.

first of all, how about this....
WHY does it matter if this situation makes you feel invalidated?
if you KNOW your value? besides gettin' out of the situation
why is it any more than that???

and i think that's where i want to stop and search.

i want to kinda hold that question inside me today.

it occurs to me that it's not about anything other than
growing.

growing and loving.

how does this get me more of both?
how does dealing with the feeling of invalidation fit
into it all?
i think it's deeply rooted in self love......
and i think it matters a lot....

something to ponder....