Wednesday, October 13, 2010

something's goin' on....

something's happening over here that i don't know how to explain.
cause i don't know what it is.

and yet.....i do.

i've been in a 'growing place.'

not sure of my beliefs, not sure who to talk to about it.
and just kinda waiting to see what happens.

and sure enough, things are happening inside me.
and i can feel some stuff stirring.

but not enough to give any kinda report on it.
just enough to know there is something still very much
alive inside of me about my beliefs. but i couldn't
tell you any more than that.

this growing place of mine has been filled with questioning
all areas of my life. including bone sighs.

you budget enough, you start to wondering what the heck
it is you are doin'. you doubt. at least, i do.

so everything's jumbled in the air, right? doubt is all
over the place.

and then there's this 'god stirring' stuff goin' on.
and it feels really real and deep cause it's still
surfacing during this time of mine.

and then....the last two days...well, my gosh, i have
gotten enough messages come thru telling me that what
i'm doing matters that it's just knockin' flat any
doubts that i've been carryin'.

when i first started bone sighs, i KNEW there was flow.
i knew it. not a shred of doubt in me.

now i can tell you there's a flow, but it's not backed
with that same knowing. i've gotten a wee bit worn down,
i think.

but these messages i'm getting......while
the messages themselves are enough to knock my socks off
and the fact that it feels like they have to push out any
doubt that's inside of me is really exciting....
what feels even more exciting is it REALLY REALLY feels like
it's beyond just a coincidence.

it FEELS like something is going on.

it feels like it used to.

and i sit here and try to be logical and think, okay, what
does that mean, ter?? what is it you believe???

and i think what i'd say to that right now is that i just
believe in 'more.'

i have no idea what more means.
i have no idea how it works.

but this feeling sure feels strong.

and something's goin' on.

and maybe i don't need to know.

maybe you only need to know if you're tryin' to control it
or work with it.

maybe i don't need to do either.

maybe i just need to feel it.

and nothing more.

and i gotta tell ya, this is hitting so deep,
tears are comin' to my eyes as i type.

i have missed this feeling soooooooo much.

right now, all i want to do is feel it.

1 comment:

Susan said...

*tears in my eyes too*
I recognize something in your words.
Soak it up girl.

(and thanks so much for your kind notes lately)