Tuesday, November 16, 2010

gray dreay days

i have had people call me things like 'sunshine' my whole life.
'having a sunny disposition' and god forbid the one i just want to throw
up with every time i hear: 'bubbly.'

i gotta tell ya, if you tell me that i'm bubbly you get major
points against you. i HATE that. and then if you say i giggle,
you might as well leave, i don't want to talk to you.

but you get the idea. those kinda words.

and what's funny is that ms. laughing sunshine here ADORES gray,
rainy,drab, dark days. cause they match so much of my insides or my
mood or my emotions. i don't know...something like that.

there's always a hunk of sadness in me. and the rainy drab days
speak to that hunk. and that hunk always seems to love be spoken
to like that.

somehow when i was a teen, i got this concept down.
my personality is very similar to my mom's.
and i remember buying her one of those small posters that used
to be so popular when i was young...and it was of a sad clown.
with a great quote under it that said something like:
'share with me my sadness and i'll share with you my joy.'

somehow way back then i got how it worked inside her and how it
worked inside me.

both joy and sorrow seem to be doin' a dance inside me all the time.

it's been a hard road to be so acutely aware of both.
it still is.

but as i grow, there's some understanding of the beauty of both
coexisting inside of me.

there's some understanding that that truly is what life is full
of and that it truly is a balance and that somehow there's
a great profoundness in that dance.

gray, dreary days always touch something profound in me.
and ms. sunshine here revels in them.....

throw in fallen leaves everywhere echoing the change that is in
the air....and i'm in heaven.

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