a forced slow down...

i hurt my back last week....and for the first time
in days, i can stand up almost straight.

it's amazing how exciting that is to me. i have missed
standing up straight. and i have missed being able
to hop around and do everything. it's actually been
quite a lesson in what it must mean to be older and
more dependent.

i gotta tell ya, i'm not good with it. but finally,
yesterday, i released into it. just settled in with
not being able to do much and wouldn't you know it,
i felt better.

i got really reflective. just quiet and reflective.
and i started thinking of all the shifts goin' on
inside of me.

as i headed to bed last nite, this thought ran thru
my head:
'it's not about anything i thought it was. everything's
different than i thought it was....it's even better.'

it was the coolest thought. i realized my outlook on
just about everything has been changing.

this morning, not being able to stand it anymore, i rolled
out my special chair with the heating pad and i sat right
outside my studio, all bundled up and watched the morning
come in.

i was so cozy i coulda napped right there. nothing was
bothering me, nothing on my mind. i was melted into the morning.
(and my heating pad)

finally, i whipped off my hat to feel the morning more.
and that's when i kinda woke up. and the thought about
nothing being what i thought it was came back inside me again.

i looked at the sky and realized i was just barely beginning
to understand anything. and i smiled.

for some reason, i really like that.

my beliefs on love, life, family, me, money, work, all those
big beliefs are shifting.

and it's not scary at all.
it's so way cool.
cause it feels deeper and more real.

rollin' my chair back in for another reflective day,
i'm smilin'. yeah, i want the back pain to be gone.
i really really do.
but at the same time, this forced slow down is really
kinda cool......