miles and miles

i gotta say, i feel like it was a pretty cool closing up
of the year we did yesterday.

he and i have come miles this year. miles and miles.

and when he came over to talk to me about my thoughts in
the graveyard yesterday, the miles we had traveled were
totally with us.

he had done his own thinking about disappointment and
my struggles with it. but he hadn't quite got the thoughts
all untangled.

one of my most favorite things to do is untangle thoughts
with him. our brains work perfectly together...it's where
our opposites really come in handy. and we can just rock
when we combine our thoughts.

and these weren't just any thoughts.
these were delicate thoughts as they pointed to some
unhealthy stuff inside me. i knew that. i had already
come to that. he suspected it, but was pretty cautious
about it.

he ever so gently put out what he had come up with.
asking me things along the way. and this was my favorite
part...don't know if it's true or not...but this is what
we came up with, well, he really did, i just agreed...
and i really like it....

disappointment is the opposite of gratitude.

we figured that disappointment comes from some expectation.
some feeling of a right to something. a deserving of something.

not sure if i think that's the case all the time with
disappointment....but i'm thinking it's more the case than not.
it is with me, anyway.

and we talked about how gratitude was just the opposite.

and then we dug deeper.
cause we both know it's what's under that that matters.

and so we dug into what i think is my most vulnerable areas.
we hit all the things that bring me face to face with
myself.

i watched him take all the things he's learned over the years
and use them. i was impressed. and safe.

i acknowledged how he had made space for me to figure some
of this out. and thanked him.

he just kept goin'.

he did try to fix everything at one point.
we both knew it, joked, and finished up.
cause it's mine.
and i know it.

i asked him if he thought i did a certain thing in our
relationship. i wasn't sure. it was a new thought. one that
had to be looked at. he mulled it for a moment, said he wasn't
sure. i figured i'd pay attention and watch.

to put that out there, and ask him if he saw it, and trust
his answer, no matter what it was...that's incredible to me.
to know he'd tell me honestly whatever it was he saw, that's
good stuff.

at some point i looked at him and told him how much better
he was getting with working with us.
he looked at me and told me that i was too.
i smiled and said 'yeah, i know.'

we've traveled miles this year. miles and miles.
yesterday was our chance to see it.
and a really cool way to end the year...