a morning cup of tea

i'm missin' my walks.
but i've decided, i can't miss sayin' good morning
to the day.

so i stood at the window of my studio, right next
to my pellet stove, cup of tea in hand and watched
the morning enter.

winter truly is my favorite season.
and i think one of the main reasons is those bare
limbs reaching up to the sky. there's something
so profound in that look, in that feel...

i stood there looking at the bare limbs, the sky
becoming lighter, and the 'what's it all about?'
feeling came thru me again.

i didn't try to answer. i just knew i didn't know.
and i let it go.
i smiled.
i'm gettin' better at that.

the understanding that it's a gift floated thru me.
i held that and thought of that.
it's a gift i want to honor.

i thought of my frustrations the last few days.
feeling way frustrated with some stories i'm hearin'
from women around me.

women caught in unhealthy relationships choosing to
stay in them.

i wondered at my frustration as i looked at the peaceful
sky.

i'm usually pretty good about accepting people where they're
at. if they're not ready to leave, they're not ready to leave.

but this time, the frustration is swirling inside me.
and i wondered at that.

staring at the tree limbs reaching to the heavens, i really
understood we only have so much time. it's limited.
it's not forever.

my frustrations at them spending their time in misery wasn't
doin' much for my own way of spending time.

i smiled.

oh yeah.

all i can do is work with myself.

oh yeah.

i need to watch and learn and know that i live my own
denials and deceptions. and i need to see those and
leave those behind.

i don't have answers for myself, let alone for anyone
else.

when i can really learn to see myself, when i can really
learn what drives me and why, when i can always follow
my truth...well, then i can get all frustrated at the
rest of the world.

i think the world's safe for a bit.

i smiled, still holding the gift of the day, i watched the
sky turn a soft pinkish gray.

my eyes teared up.

it's a gift.

no one can hand you a gift this magnificent.
and here it comes every morning.
quietly, gently, it arrives.

what will you do with it, ter?

setting my empty tea cup down, i turn...but
not to grab the day...not this morning.
this morning i just want to be in it.

i just want to be quietly in it.