Monday, January 17, 2011

movin' forward

life certainly is a challenge.

i've been thinking about it a bit this morning...

it's so hard to be honest with ourselves.
i would say i can only speak for myself....which is true...
but i'm pretty sure this is the case for most of us as i watch
it around me a fair amount.

we THINK we're being honest with ourselves.
we THINK we're looking at stuff clearly,
but ohmygosh, sometimes we are SO NOT.

a lot of the motivation might have to do with that deep inner desire
to not rock the boat.

to keep things 'moving forward.'

how on earth did we come up with the idea that not rocking
the boat kept things moving forward?

i had one of these moments not too long ago.
fortunately, i'm blessed with some very straight shooting friends.

as i was trying to not rock my own boat, i totally stuffed
down my truth. but i didn't really notice that as i was just
thinking i was 'moving forward.' keeping things smooth and
moving forward.

one of my friends gave me one of those slaps in the face.
'what are you doin'??? what happened to speaking your truth??'

i have to laugh thinking of that moment.
god forbid i ever have subtle friends.
this in your face stuff really works for me.

and so i looked, saw the truth of what she was sayin, and rocked
my boat a bit.

this whole 'moving forward' phrase has me thinking.

maybe it would be a really good idea to figure out what exactly
we mean by that.

do we mean moving forward as in growth and becoming more of who
we want to be? or do we mean that the boat doesn't rock for a bit,
it gives us a bit of a relief, and that we're gonna take that as
a positive and fake ourselves into believing it's growth?

that's on my mind this morning.

i don't think growth always has to be rocking the boat.
but i'm pretty sure stuffing your truth down so the boat doesn't
rock isn't growth.

and for me, it's quite a challenge to really see what exactly
it is that i'm doin'.


QnDani said...

i love this by Oriah Mountain Dreamer:

"What if the question is not why am I so infrequently the person I really want to be, but why do I so infrequently want to be the person I really am?"

(sigh) :-)

Jennifer said...

My having friends that aren't subtle has been one of the most helpful things in my life and has brought out a strength in me. At first meeting I was intimidated but then I came to appreciate their openness and honesty instead of it being "mean or sharp" which was my fear. Now, after many years, the ME that speaks is from within and real = not what I think people want to hear. So when I continue to read your words....I know what you say and I'm glad I read on. Thanks, Jennifer

Merry ME said...

A straight-shooting friend once sent me a Mary Englebreit card that said "Snap out of it" on the front. I never got to the words inside because I was so hurt and angry. I think the card was meant to "snap" me out of my depression, but it backfired big time. I wasn't ready for someone to tell me what was right for me from thousands of miles away.

I appreciate honesty but like nasty tasting medicine I need mine mixed with a little sugar.