a party moment....

my head is chock full of stuff right now.
chock full.

i'll start with one thought for now as i think
i need to do some processing on the rest.....

went to that party last nite. (see post below)
and sure enough, found someone i didn't know and
had a heart filled conversation with him.

what was really cool was josh was there with me,
and he joined in on a lot of it. i loved that part.

i found myself talkin' about what it is i do.
and explaining what it meant to me.
my eyes welled up as i explained it was from my soul.
that part of the conversation mattered a ton to me,
because i don't think i've said those things out loud
in a very long time. and i could feel the drive inside
of me with what i'm doing. i could feel what a part of me
bone sighs has become. and i think i really needed to
hear myself say it out loud. think that did something
really powerful for me.

and then, towards the end, we talked of really dark, hard
things that had happened to us and how i saw really clearly
recently, that some stuff that i never would have picked
to happen....some stuff that i still don't know how to wrap
my head around....actually became a tool to help someone else.
i saw that even the stuff i didn't want has it's value.

i saw clearly the yin and yang of it all....
'you can take that pain and you can reach out to someone
with the same pain.' i heard myself say.

and i knew that it mattered.

i think i've known that for awhile, but this is the first
time i felt that about this particular darkness.

i think it was then i really understood it worked for all darkness.
sharing compassion that you've gained thru living is a priceless gift.

the man i talked with was wonderful. newly married and beaming,
he was a 'class act' (as josh called him later)....
and truly was a highlight of the evening.

he gave me space to let my heart out. a gentle, sincere soul.
and i got to watch his glow about his new life with the
woman he's in love with. i love to see things like that.

it was quite a mixing of hearts standing in that room....

what a complete honor it is to be alive sometimes, ya know?