Wednesday, January 12, 2011

so?

i just walked in from an encounter where i felt
really unseen.

no. beyond that.

i felt seen INCORRECTLY.

yeah, that's it.

well, yeah, that's the same as not seen.
isn't it always seen incorrectly when you're not seen???

not sure why the different phrasing matters.

the incorrect stuff has always bugged me.

i'm joyful and open a lot and that can come off as
flighty and air headed.
shoot, i want to strangle people who see me that way.

then there's the 'rose colored glasses' thing that
people put on me.

or that i live really sheltered....

there's a lotta things that really bug me that people
have said or do say about me.

cause i see it as incorrect.

so in buzzin' around feelin' that just now, i realized
something.....

um....yeah....
i was totally seen incorrectly......
and um...

so???

oh wow.

so?

so.

so who the heck cares.

i care when it's someone i love.
i need them to see me for me to have a real relationship.

but like how many people can really see a person for who they are?
really, it's the ones that are close to you.

if you are lucky.

and that's a big IF.

the other people who are just scattered around....
well, ya know, girl.....they're just gonna see what they want to.

and so what????

oh.

oh.

i don't think i ever really got that thought like this before.
like really inside of me.

and.

and.
and.

take it a step further.......

did you see this person who didn't see you???
or did you get stuck on the fact that they were seeing you wrong.

did you sum it up with a great phrase like 'guys are weird.'
and just leave it at that????

um.

yeah.

what's more important to you, ter?
seeing or being seen???

to those i love and am close to, it's even steven.
i want both equally.

to those who are are in my surroundings.....it's the seeing that i need
to do that matters.

it's okay if they all think i'm ms. wacky-rose-colored-glasses-wearing
-hide-from-the-world-goof-ball.....

that's really okay.

cause like um....that's a big so what.
seriously.

SO WHAT, TER?!!

what matters is that i keep workin' on my own seeing.
cause i fall real short with that....
and that's where i should be concentrating.

wow.
was that a cool train of thought for me......

and i think one i can really embrace cause i finally finally
finally see me enough not to need the whole world to do it for me!

altho....let's not forget the fact that this threw me for a loop.
so it's not like i've really gotten it down yet. i still gotta
practice.

but this is good stuff!

go figure.

1 comment:

☼Illuminary☼ said...

Invisibility is an art form...
Thats the spin I put on it..
because I am an art form, and to really appreciate me, you have to sit with me for a while...
~laughing~
seeing people is the easy part.
Loving what you see
now THERE IS THE HAR PART!
sigh
LOL