an odd walk

was an odd walk.
hadn't gone but past maybe one house when i saw a teen age girl
walkin' up the road towards me. school books in hand.
'you walkin' to school?' i asked her.
and indeed, she was tryin' to make her way there after missing
the bus. thinking maybe she could snag a girlfriend altho pretty
sure they had already gotten on at their stops.

offering her a ride, i scooted back in and got my keys.
the high school isn't right around the corner. it's a bit of
a drive. and so i introduced myself and snuggled in for a chat.

she's a senior so we talked of where she was going and what she
wanted to do.

she told me of some scores she got on some tests and she started
with what the lowest number allowed was to consider passing, and then
told me her scores. they were low. one just barely above the low
grade allowed, one just under. she'd have to take that again.

i encouraged her and we kept going.

dropping her off, i headed back home thinking i'd probably skip
my walk.

nah.
i could use one, i thought.
i'll just make it a bit shorter.
keys jingling as i walked, i stepped into the road.

and so i walked.
and i thought of all that had been whirlin' inside of me.
and how just a month ago i was so on board about hopping
into life with two feet. and now, a month later, i've
tripped over my feet and fallen flat on my face.

it's truly what it's felt like.

but i wasn't full of panic this morning like i had been
yesterday. instead of freaking out over confusion on how
to build a demolished building, i honestly see a chance
to lay one heck of a foundation. for real.
not just one with pretty words.
but one for real.

and while i still think it's exhausting, i want to do it.

it's my foundation.
who i am.
what drives me.
what i believe about myself.

and it's about time.

i walked up my driveway. looked at my car parked there.
saw the 'honor yourself' sticker on it.

thought of the girl i had just dropped off.
she could do so much better than she's doing.
i know she could be learning so much more and applying it.
i could tell by talking to her.
and yet, she starts by telling me what the low scores are
and then ranking herself.

i thought of her foundation.
i wondered what it was.

i shook my head as i walked in the door.
this honoring yourself stuff...
it's big.

it's really really big.

i had no idea when i started.
i just had no idea.