wisdom

several signs pointed to how severe i was feeling it.

i decided to copy all my cd's onto my computer.
that was something i thought would never happen.

bob stopped by, gave me his wisdom and left.
he was dead on right in what he advised, and i
hated him for it. (well, not really, but you know what i mean...)
i spent a long time grumbling to myself about how he was the
wisest person i knew and it made me crazy.

and when i finally had time to sit with the book that was
going to be directly speaking to me and my fears, i figured
it wasn't the time to read it. just decided not to.

that's where i stopped myself.
'okay, woman. you're gonna look at that book.'

and so i did.

there's too much to even put here.
but i'm gonna grab some of it.....

'give fear room, a hearing, and a cradle:
before you try to fix it, you have to let it happen fully.

....To have to become different only destroys self esteem.

...The hero is not one who eliminates fear, but one who finds
a way through it, by feeling it, facing it and over-riding its
tendency to stop him.'

and then he hit the love stuff.

'the more i let myself feel my feelings, the more do i expand
my capacity to feel. this is how i nurture myself effectively
so i am less likely to look for anybody to fulfill me or fill me.
....now i can love needlessly. love will no longer mean you are the
right size doll for my cut-out collection, but: you are who you are
and i correctly assess and respect your dimensions.'

'we will never get over our fear until we love ourselves.'

and then this........

'what we are holding my be inconsolable based on authentic
inconsolable experiences of childhood.....
no amount of self-parenting or therapy can reverse or eliminate
the inconsolable part of us. true health is in accepting
the irreversibility of the inconsolability.'

'freedom happens to us when we no longer look for consolation
of the inconsolable in anybody or anything.'

and all of this is what i'm taking into the shower with me.....

it's been three nites of really vivid dreams......
thinking i'll make it four......

(the quotes are from 'when love meets fear' by david richo)