seeing...

so yesterday i popped up a story tryin' to explain a thought.
and ended with the fact that i REALLY just didn't want to look
closely at what i needed to and put it down. i just really didn't want to
and didn't know why.

well....i figured out why.

and darn it all if it doesn't go to my sense of worth.
or lack thereof.

yeah.
of course.

if i don't want to look at something, it's gonna hit that deep
deep stuff. and it did.

the series of buttons that got hit in me last week and peakin'
in my final melt down story were the perfect series to drop
me right back to that place where i'm looking at the rubble filled
burned out spot of my self worth.

when i can look at this objectively, i can tell you this is awesome.

here i am again.
lookin' at this spot.
facin' what i really need to know and what i really need to
actively work on letting grow.
i am reminded again which i need because i tend to get these really
great insights then forget about them. i need these things in my face
soemtimes.
and here it is in my face again begging me to step up, grab the sunlight,
believe and grow.

that's good stuff. but ya know....
when i look at this as just plain ol' terri, i cry.
i just cry.
it rattles my insides so much.

i'm pretty sure i've gotten to this spot because of all the work
i've done, and it's a payoff. it's what the work brings me to...
more of me to see.

and i'm pretty sure this is something to feel gratitude over.
to get to places where i can really really see what's in me.

bob explained it to me as getting thru the tangle of thousands of
roots that are at the surface and headin' down deep to the main
root(s)....

yeah.
it's a good thing.

and i gotta tell ya...it feels incredibly unsettling.
funny......the word 'uprooted' comes to mind too.....
that works good with the tree image.

i thought of a friend of mine. she's going thru total
chaos inside of her. and i absolutely know it's what she's got
to do to keep growin'. and while i feel her pain, i smile and tell
her it's a good thing. this is making her strong and teachin' her
a ton and she'll come out of this entanglement amazed at herself.
and i totally believe that.

i thought of her this morning.
and then i thought of me.

okay.
what's good for the goose is good for the gander...
or something like that....

suck it up and keep on goin'.
cause it's takin' you where you need to go.......


no.

no.

no.

i can do more than that.
cause i've already been down the road of this kinda stuff.
i already have lived it - where your boat's totally rocked...
tipped over...floating upside down...
and i've found new, beautiful shores to land on.
i know it works.
i know it's part of the journey.

so i can do more than just suck it up and do what i gotta do.

i can know that it's good.
really really really know that.

now that i see what's goin' on....
i can know it.
and i can trust it.

i can try anyway!