such is life

i sent out a newsletter yesterday and at the bottom
mentioned that i'm in the doldrums now.
it's that time of year.
shop sales are about at a stand still, and about
all that gets you thru is some kinda panic or faith.
and it's hard to find that energy to keep on movin'
forward. which is tough because now is the time you
have to work harder than ever.

it's a mind game for sure.

and it happens every year.
each year i think i'm ready for it.
and each year i find i'm not as ready as i thought.

you don't want to go whining about it everywhere
you turn...so you try to suck it up.
but it leaks out your nerves.

this morning i got up discouraged about it all.
didn't sleep well, and just discouraged. i found
myself agitated about something small and knew that
i needed a little treadmill time.

i tell ya, that thing is like therapy for me.
in fact, i just decided i needed to give it a name,
as if it was my therapist! doctor something....
doctor tread. doctor mill. something like that.......

same music list as yesterday.
and whereas yesterday i was singing to my demons and
knowing i was moving on in my heart like i needed to,
today i was singing to my workin' self.

no one's gonna do this for ya, ter.
it's up to you.

and this determination started coming over me.
it's so easy to lose focus.

i'm watchin' that with someone close to me.
i shake my head knowing there's nothing i can do for
them. that focus is really something up to the person
doin' it. you can't tell them. they have to feel it.

i thought about that.
okay, i thought, as i visited with ol' doc mill...
this one's mine.

it's like this time of year is an exercise of will.
it's truly about muscle and hangin' in there.

i can't just wimp out.

and so legs wobblin' with fatigue, i walked away
from my therapy with a sweaty smile on my face.

okay.
i just keep stepping back in as many times as it takes.
such is life.