and then it's over...

it's gray out, misty, and i've got lisa gerrard playing right now.
for me, she's a prayer.

i've mentioned pattie here before.
she's a friend of mine i've met thru an art community,
and have kept up with thru her blog.

her husband has been on a long long road and has finally reached the end.
i'm not sure if he's still with us or not at this point. it's really
really close.

she's been recording their journey thru chemo, home care and finally
hospice in her blog. it's been quite a journey just to read along and
to imagine what they've been goin' thru. both of their attitudes and
bravery have been stunning.

i listened to some list gerrard before i went out, and then took a walk
with pattie and her husband, michael, in my heart.

i thought of both of them. the care taker and the one dying.
and i tried so hard to hold them close and send them love.

as i walked up a misty street and looked at all the blossoms hanging
from the trees i wondered for the gazillionth time what the heck was
it all about.

i thought of my own life and if i died in an hour, what the heck would
have been the point of the whole thing...

i thought of the drama/stress goin' on in bob's life that is affecting
us both a lot right now. we've been tryin' hard not to let it get between us.
we've been doin' pretty good with that. darn good. but it floats all around
us.

and then i thought of pattie and michael.

all that matters is to love him, i thought.
all that's left is love.
all that matters is to love wherever you go.

that's all i can figure out that ever stays.

love.

all the other stuff floats away.

i thought of all pattie's stories thru her blogs.
her struggles, her having to learn how to do medical procedures
for michael. all that she had to do....
and what stands out as the thing i'll hold forever is the love
that she kept offering.

love.

it's the only thing i can figure that matters.

so this sidetracked garbage i've been doin' the last few days...
i'm puttin' it down.

i walked and thought of pattie and her husband.

what can i do to honor them?

i can love with all i've got.

i can do that today.
and i will.

how long have we got? and what are we doing with that time?
it's on my mind today. as are pattie and michael.
holding them in my heart so deeply today....