just mullin'.....

i was reading something yesterday about how to cope with people
who well.....were really not good for you.

the advice pretty much was'walk away.'

good advice.

i mean, really.

but there was a last point...
i forgot how it was worded but 'revenge' was in there -
kinda to be cute...
something like 'the best revenge (after leaving) is enjoying a good life.'

so, you know, don't just walk away and be miserable.
walk away and enjoy the life you walked into and built.

that sounds like such a simple, flip, cute, easy, no-brainer thought.

but i think it's a huge challenge.

at least it was for me.
it was so so so so darn mixed.

i picked the life i wanted.
and haven't for one moment missed the old one.
but the guilt, the shame, the confusion, the wanting people to understand
who just couldn't hear, the struggling to let go of things that were
already gone....THAT stuff overflowed into the new stuff and made it
all such a mix. it made it a huge challenge to get to where i'm really
loving my life. which i am now. (which is awfully darn cool)

i thought of all that.

which is kinda interesting, because the reading i was doing didn't
involve anyone in my 'old' life.
it involved someone in my 'new' life.

when i sat back and held all the thoughts, i saw how it's always gonna
be like this.

always.
whichever life you're in.
cause if you're lucky, life will keep growin' and changing and feeling
new.

it's not like you pick three or four people to be close to and you're done.

people come with people, you gain others, the mix goes on and on.
you change, things change. on and on and on.

and in thinking about that 'best revenge' line.....
in living a life you feel good about....

the key isn't ever in looking back, or trying to get your decisions
to move on okayed by everyone else. it's not wallowing in the shame of
growing and changing (which of course is nothing shameful, but we wallow
anyway)

the key is in moving forward, living fully who you are, and letting
everyone else do what they want with that.

just keep living fully who you are.
if you keep doin' that, you don't even need words of explanation.
cause you already know what's goin' on.
and you're the only one who really needs to know.
and the other ones...the ones who can see will already know too.
and the ones who can't......well, they can't.