leaving home.......

i was browsing around my books looking for something that hit my soul this morning.
and i found it.
and i realized something....

changes have been on my mind a lot these days.
taking a walk this morning, i passed our trash can.
sticking out out of it was an old painted board.
it came off what used to be my headboard for my bed.
some goofy thing i made years and years ago.
a part of one of those other lifetimes.

i stopped.
looked at it.
remembered.
and went for my walk.

thought a lot of jumbled thoughts.

when i read the paragraph i'm about to put here, i realized
i'm leaving home again.

i never woulda put it that way.
yesterday i think i was sayin' it was new lives. if we were lucky
we'd have new lives over and over again.
and sure, another way of saying that could be that we leave home
over and over again. only, there's a lot to that.

check out this paragraph.....i thought it was awesome -

'leaving home does not mean simply changing one's address. it does not
mean breaking the deep connections we have with our families. that is not
true individuation, since it contradicts the nature of being human.
leaving home is a metaphor for our growth into adulthood by blowing
down the house of cards we have constructed from our complex story lines
of who we are and what the world owes us. to leave such a nest of
illusions is to find the courage to walk 'as refugees in no-man's land,'
as chogyam trungpa, the tibetan meditation master, put it. this is a land
where nothing serves to confirm our ego's solidity or entitlements. to
leave home is to leave an imagined safety from pain for an openness to
the givens of life, which we greet with an unconditional yes. that word
yes is our open sesame to waking up, our spiritual victory.'

(david richo - when the past is present)


i'd like to think we do this once, we're good.
apparently, i'm a hard head and will prolly need to do this over and
over again in my life.

i love the way he put it.
and i think another house of cards is goin' down for me......

this whole journey is the most amazing thing....