Thursday, April 28, 2011

offering love

i just want to live my life, ya know?

i was out on my walk, just wanting to do my thing.
just be left alone. i was already in that mood.
making plans to cook today.
just cause i can get lost and alone and i get the
bonus of eating!

and apparently the getting lost and alone is what i'm
craving today...

i got lost in the wind.
it's so windy and so gorgeous.
i came back and sat in the chair in the yard and just
watched it play with the trees.

i watched the little weeping willow.
it's so like hair blowin' in the wind.....

and the trees above my neighbor's house.
first this clump would move. then this other clump...

just me and the trees.
i felt great.

okay, i'm good.
i can start my day.

came down to a note that just wow.......out of the blue.....
just wow.....slammed me.

it just slammed me.



i just sat there and went 'wow.'

i'm getting better at noticing when i've been hit and
what's goin' on inside of me.

this was easier, cause it's not someone i'm close to.
so it was easier to observe.

'okay, ter......what's your reaction to this and what
do you want to do with it?'

this has nothing to do with me, i decided.
this so isn't mine.
and i'm not holding it.

so, okay, this is theirs.
i handed it back their way and then i could let it go.

but something hung on.

i have a lotta love in my life.
i do.
and i know it.
and i value it and treasure it and work at it.
it's not only an okay thing i've got it,
it's a great great thing and for me, it's what life is about.

and i've noticed that it can actually bother people.

and that just stuns me.

and i think that hits really hard.

why don't we just wish each other well and rejoice in what people
have??? heck, there's a lot i don't have. why not be tickled for
the things i do have???

just as i will be for you??

that's the part that kinda gets to me.

and i guess, looking at the process here, it's where i need to
just send love. maybe i can't in person too easily. but maybe
from a distance, when i'm cooking......i can just send love
to that pain in the world that holds us back from rejoicing in
each others lives.

what an awful pain that has to be...
and how in need of love it must be.....

seeing that helps a lot.

letting go over here and offering love....


Anonymous said...

Dear Terri, I think you have it right, hand it right back, and send love from a safe distance. I think about your card, about not being with the blue people. I cannot understand or comprehend it when people feel the need to be hurtful when your life is good, YOU are good, You make a difference. That's what you need to draw strength from. I recently gave a dear friend the card about lighting the candle, and the one you are with not being ready, so we just sit beside each other, waiting in the dark until we're ready.

That card touched her in such an incredible way Terri. Her husband had died of ALS just a few weeks before. I saw her on Tuesday, and she just held on to me and thanked me for the card...but the thanks goes to you! She went to her computer and looked you right up!

Please hold these amazing, amazing thoughts close to your heart. You make a difference where you can, we all try. We can have empathy for their pain, but we cannot take it onto ourselves, or absorb it, or sometimes even accept that we have anything to do with it at all.

Thank you again, for helping me to make a difference in the lives of people you'll probably never know, but you are touching.

terri said...

thank you, cathy....
that meant the world to me.......