something goin' on.......

sort of like the way i started painting my kitchen...
and then my living room....
it just happened one day...
that's what happened recently with my eating.

okay. this is very recent. so who knows, today may be the last day of it.
but i doubt it.

cause something magical is happening.

i started paying a whole lotta attention to what i'm eating.
how i'm preparing it, how i'm eating it and when and WHY.

usually i consider myself pretty healthy, whip around and grab
some stuff, make dinners here and there as fast as i can, eat
a whole lotta veggie burgers and keep on goin'. i switched to
hot air pop corn instead of microwave popcorn thinking i was
being a darn health nut.

well i stopped.
and asked myself 'are you really hungry?'

oh my gosh, i eat a lot when i'm NOT.
i eat when i'm walkin' thru the kitchen simply because i'm
walkin' thru the kitchen.

i eat in between projects cause it's a break.

i eat because i'm sad, stressed, happy, overwhelmed, mellow,
crazy....i eat just because it's there.

i eat too fast, i don't pay attention, i talk while i eat.
on and on....

and the last few days i've noticed and stopped.

now, i've read about this stuff before and
become inspired before and tried before. and then stopped.

so this may be another one of those blips in my history.
thing is, i didn't read about it this time...it just happened.

and the thing is...this time it feels different.
this is the first time i remember being aware of my body all day.
really being aware.

and here's something new.....
i NEVER wanted to be aware of my body.
i've got the body image stuff major big time.
even tho i'm not what people call overweight, i have a whole lotta issues.

i've wanted to be healthy.
THAT i've wanted.
a lot.
so i've tried to shoot for that kinda stuff all the while knowing my
eating habits sucked. but i figured if i ate better stuff and stayed
away from the junk, it'd be mostly okay.

what would be mostly okay???
my body that i want to forget about would keep goin' fairly good???

what kinda thought process is that???

so suddenly i'm paying attention to my body all day.
that's a first for me ever.
suddenly i'm talkin' with it and actually conversing.

this is also a first.

i do things like rub lotion on my feet and feet gratitude for my
feet and all they do.
i do that kinda thing.

but you know what? it's more of a one-way kinda thing.

cause i haven't really wanted a two-way kinda thing before.
a two-way kinda thing means i look at it. see it. feel it.
talk with it. LISTEN TO IT.

oh my gosh.

that's what i've been doin' the last few days.
and it's so darn cool.

it's not a chore at all.
it's just so darn cool.

is it possible that as i head into my 50th year i actually
want to talk with my body and respect it????

there's something new goin' on here for me.......
and it feels magical...