Sunday, May 8, 2011

mother's day..........

it's mother's day!
and it's the first time in a week i've really felt joyful!
and it feels soooo good to feel joyful!!!
i'm gonna spend the whole day with all three of my guys,
and yes, i really do know what a treat that is.

bob and i were talking yesterday and he was tellin' me a thought he
had about living intentionally. he was trying to give me an example
and he said that when i was raising my boys, i was fully present
in what i was doing and i was there to raise my boys. i didn't
just mother on the side. i was two feet in.

i liked his example. i smiled and nodded and he went
on to explain his thought...

last nite i was brushing my teeth in my bathroom and i looked over
at this picture i have hanging of all three of the guys.
with the picture, i have the bone sigh i wrote for them -

"if i could teach you anything-
it would be to hear your heart,
and know your beauty and to believe in your possibilities."

i read the quote and thought about it.
and i realized that THEY taught ME the things i wanted to teach them.

i finished brushing and stood there and thought about it.
they really have.
exactly what i wanted to teach them was what they were teaching me.

and then i thought of what bob had said...about how i had
intentionally been a mom.

thing is.....i didn't know the benefits that were gonna happen to
me thru doing that. i didn't realize *i* was the one who was gonna
grow up and find what was inside of me.

i thought of all the journey with bone sighs.
i NEVER would have done any of it if i didn't have the boys to support.
i NEVER would have gone door to door with my bone sighs and asked people
if they wanted to sell them. NEVER.

i thought of the hours i put in at first.
when i used my bed as a table as i worked out of my bedroom and
would work late into the nite, and then just lay down next to everything
and fall asleep for a few hours then get up again and start right in
before it was time to school the guys.

all that stuff.
i couldn't/wouldn't have done it without them being the reason for it.

i wouldn't have found all that i found without them here.

yeah, i intentionally mothered them.
and i soooo unintentionally grew and yeah, even MOTHERED myself as
i went along.

how cool is that?
it's like a side benefit that rocks my world!

and that's the SIDE benefit!
the main benefit is i get THEM!!!!!

they have been the driving force behind me for 25 years.

and what moves me the most is this -

they have always been what i've hung on to when i couldn't believe in anything

they have always been the light that never went out for me.

and i get to spend the whole day with them today.
the whole darn day!!!!!!!!

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