Tuesday, June 7, 2011

darkness and light

a darker story had been on my mind.
not knowing how to talk about it, i kept it to myself.

he was dozing.
i was driving.
my mind was wandering.
the story bubbled up in my thoughts.

turning it over in my mind a bit, looking at the shadows
on it, i realized it wasn't mine.

there was absolutely nothing i could do with it but dwell.

why on earth would i dwell on someone else's darkness?
why would i hold it and look at it over and over again?

i had already decided what it meant for me.
i was done with it.
no more need for it.

put it down, ter.
don't let it drag you in.

and it does drag you in.
darkness does that.

i thought of light.

i want to concentrate on light, i thought.

i want to live light, i thought.

how do i do that?

i drove thinking about concentrating on the light.
offering the light.
focusing. offering. focusing. offering.
being.

it's love.

you have to give it and give it and give it.
concentrate on the offering.
not on the return.

the return gets me snagged.

and i should know by now.......the return is always more than
the offering, even if i don't see it at the time.

i know that.

then live like you know it, ter.
live like you see it.

dance like you own it.

dance in the light.

be the light.

3 comments:

Brigitte / La de Ojos Azules said...

OMG terri, this is exactly what I needed to hear today. I needed to hear that someone else is struggling with the same question of "return" as I am. I am so very torn these days and the darkness seems to be winning. Can I hold onto what you've said? Can I take comfort in knowing that I am not alone in this seemingly never-ending struggle? I will, I have to so I will. Thank you terri, yet again :)

terri said...

brigitte, i truly truly believe the return is always there even when we can't see it. doesn't mean 'they' are giving it. we 'get' in so many different ways, ya know? anything that brings us growth is return as far as i can tell......

Brigitte / La de Ojos Azules said...

Ok, I hear you. I think maybe it's more a feeling of being taken for granted. I don't know! I understand that the return doesn't necessarily come from "them" and, honestly, I don't usually WANT anything in return, so maybe it's a feeling of being taken for granted that I'm struggling with. It's like return, but different. I don't want anything in return (although I totally agree with you that we do get it in so many different ways) but I don't want to be taken for granted, either. Does this make any sense?