Sunday, July 3, 2011

holdin' the gold....

i needed to hash thru something that had been kinda eatin' at me.
i just needed to tell him the story, share my struggle and just
share the whole thing.

and so i did.
true to form, he laughed.

his sense of humor astounds me.

how can you laugh??? i asked him.
altho, i wasn't the least bit surprised.

ah, you're looking at it from the human perspective,
he said. take that out and it's really funny.

i looked at him and shook my head. no it's not.

but his laughing didn't bother me.
i know he can do that.
and somehow i like that he can.

he can detach in ways i can't.
and i like that.

it used to scare me.
make me think he didn't care or didn't get it.

not at all.
he can just step out of it.
but he gets things so fast and so well that it stuns me.

as we talked about it and i described what was goin' on,
he said 'that's not love.'

and i so knew that.
that's what i had been struggling with.

but his saying it mattered so much to me.
it just so mattered.
just that one comment.

cause he knows what healthy is.
and he knows what's not.

and he wants healthy,
can laugh at the other,
and keep moving towards healthy.

and we spoke a little bit of love.
just a bit.
but we spent the whole day living it.

i thought of him this morning.

i shook my head as i made my bed.
i really really found someone who wants healthy love
as much as i do.
how is that possible? i wondered.

you opened the door for it, ter.
and you worked for it.
and he worked for it.
we both have tasted the sting of the unhealthy and
what happens with that.
and we've traveled together looking for the real.

and my gosh, go figure.....i think we're finding it.

my gosh.

you know that thing? be careful what you ask for you might get it?
well, sometimes that works in a really good way too.....

be careful what you search for and work might just get it.
and you might just hold gold like you've never held before.....

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