a seeing reminder...

there's a lotta people in my world...
hence, a lotta stories...

i listen, i watch, i think...and i wonder.

relationships.
all kinds.
not just the romantic - or once-romantic ones,
but friendships, family, parental, work...
all of 'em.'
they're on my mind.
they're the theme of the week.

sometimes they seem to carry a theme within a theme.
i wonder about that.

like this week -
almost all of the stories carried the theme of
'seeing.'

seeing the other.

now, is that because they really do carry that theme,
or am i just thinking of that theme and seeing it
everywhere? or do i just NEED to see it somehow for me.

i don't know.

it feels like they carry it and i notice.
but i gotta wonder.

whichever the case - 'seeing' is screaming out to me.

but this is how thick headed i am.

i watch story after story and think how totally sad
it is that people don't see each other.

men seem particularly thick at this, i think.

not trying to male bash. but i've seen so many women try
to tell their guys things aren't right and the guys thickly
carry on with the same deals.

i've seen more than one thick male story this week, so i'm
thinking about how thick people are, particularly males.

when bam!
as if the cosmic male of the universe bopped me on the head,
it occurs to me how much i'm not seeing someone right now.

oopps.
okay. it's not just males.
it's not just others.
it's not just them.

it's me too.

sigh.

and i think about it.

i do NOT understand how we are so poor at seeing.
why we stop, or shut down, or cover one eye and squint,
or just don't even care anymore.

it's THE thing that makes any relationship good.

and yet we just coast with it soooooo much.

man it sucks.

i think the hardest time for me is when i don't feel seen.
it's really really really hard for me to see back.

and yet, i'd be the first to tell ya i think that's really love.

and i'd be the first to tell you, i don't do so great with it.
but over and over i remind myself to try again.

cause without it, you got nothing.
and sooner or later, see it or not, that nothing will
knock you to the floor.

refocusing over here once again...