Friday, July 8, 2011

the never ending loops.....

i was partly grasping a certain thought not too long ago.

one i don't know how to articulate....

and it's whirling back inside me today.
and intriguing me.

look around at some of the problems around you.
i'm thinking a whole lot of the people ones make sense.


let's say you got someone who's really really lazy.

that's their trait.
that's their deal.

but you get frustrated cause they're not doing something that
you think would change everything and make their life good.

why the heck are you frustrated?
they're not going to change their life for the better because
you think they should. they're going to act in their lazy fashion
cause that's what they do.

that's the problem.
that's their deal.
that's the 'loop.'

now, they may change, but that's deep within them.
and that's their deal.

and yet, you get frustrated, because they're in your life and
they're lazy and they have a cruddy life and they don't have to
and you can't figure out why they don't just change it and you
want to pull your hair out.

what is wrong with you???

have you not accepted the initial deal?
they're lazy.

so their choices will be lazy choices so their life will be
made up of lazy choices.

that's the deal.

and yet, you bang your head against the wall wanting them to
not be lazy.

maybe you should be looking at why you want this for them,
and not so much about why they're lazy.
that's their deal.

your deal seems to be your inability to accept their laziness.


that's the best example i could come up with.
but i was talking to the guys about this. they told me that
it sounded like 'recursion.'

i didn't know what that was, and asked.
they tried to explain, but it's confusing to type.
it's like an infinite loop kinda.
and then i just looked it up.
got a cute thing that said 'in order to understand recursion
you must first understand recursion.'

i think that's it.

i think a lot of times problems are recursion-like.
just infinite loops caused by what's causing them.

yeah, i know.
i'm making no sense.

today i got frustrated by something that seems never ending to me.
an infinite loop.

and then i stopped myself.

i watch the same stuff repeated over and over again.
and want it to stop so the problem will stop.
i want the whole deal to just end.

but the problem won't stop because that's what the problem is.
this is what they do.

if they could end it, then they wouldn't have the problem.
if they could end it and change their patterns, then we wouldn't
have the problem.

the problem is the problem.

i wonder if ANY of this is making sense???

prolly not.

but the bottom line is when i realize this...when i see the
recursion and ask myself why i'm looking for a different answer,
then i can change my focus to where it really will do me some good.

so i did that.

why ter?
why do you get crazed about this?

because i'm just not accepting it for what it is.

if i was, then i'd just know that's the way it rolls.

and yes, it affects my life...and yes, i wish it was different.
but that's the way it rolls and i've chosen to have it part of my life.

stop trying to change something you can't change.

that's my loop.
over and over and over again.

what i need to do is let the loop do its thing and go do mine.

yes, easier said than done.
but possible when you finally get out of your own loop and see
what you're doing.

when i started thinking about this, i looked at the more frustrating
things in my life. and they were all like this.


what loops are you caught in that aren't going to change and yet
you still bang your head against the wall wanting to change them?

you can only change you and your own loop.
that's it.

thing is........i'll step into other loops and not even know it.
my excitement this morning is the idea that i think i can begin
to recognize the frustration and know that as a sign that i'm
in a loop.

once i know, i can step out.

it's the not knowing that's always slowed me down.....
but now i think i know the red flag!
it's this certain frustration i feel.
if i know that when this feeling comes up....
i can see the flag and step out of the loop!

how cool!


njoy said...

Realizing the frustration and stepping out of the loop. Does that ever ring a bell in my life. I have a friend that I frustrate over every time I visit. I can think of all the ways that she could improve life in her loop. But I am learning that maybe it's not what's in her loop that really frustrates me. Finding the motivation to handle the twists and tangles in my loop is what truly frustrates me. Just easier to step in her loop than step out of mine.

Grace said...

recursion sounds alot like koan :)

Have you ever read Byron Katie's "Loving What Is"?? It changed my life...I read it back about 6-7 years ago, when dealing with some very difficult issues.

It really helped me find the boundaries between what is my stuff, what is their stuff, and what is God's stuff...

The bottom line is, if people were 'supposed' to be any differently, they would be.

Like Katie says, "When we argue with reality, we lose. But only 100% of the time." ;-)

Thanks for stopping by today!

Sheryl said...

I SO needed to read this today, Ter, as I logged on to escape the frustration...yep, THAT frustration, here at work. Thanks so much.