Thursday, August 18, 2011

and the demons danced...

it's been one heck of a hard day today with my insides.
it's been a long time since i can remember one this hard.

it's like every demon inside of me woke up today
and decided to take a walk all over my heart, my face,
my feelings, me.


but here's the good news.....

i knew it.

i knew what was goin' on.

i walked thru my house at one point and thought
'wow, i am having a REALLY REALLY hard time.'

and this evening, when i was all alone in the house,
i snuggled in with a book and just totally relaxed
and left into the land of stories.

actually, before that, i was so wiped out, i couldn't
even keep my eyes open and i closed them for about
15 minutes before i even had the energy to read.

pretty wiped out.

and now?
i feel soooooo much better.

still got a few things i gotta deal with,
still gonna be struggling to work some kinks out in
my world....

but that's nothing compared to demons.

and.......and.......i think the demons did their dance and left.


and the only thing i can think of that let them leave
is that i let them stay.

i knew they were here.
i watched them.
i buckled under their dances.
i had to lay down twice.

but i just watched them.
(well, after a bit....)

and now they feel gone.


i'm trying to figure out why.

earlier in the day i was in a wrestling match with them.
i mean, a serious wrestling match.

i could feel it inside of me.
and i was just beat.

but then.....i just stopped and let them be.

i stopped wrestling.

and i waited.

and now i sit here knowing they're gone and i'm
scratchin' my head saying 'huh??'

and feelin' pretty darn tickled.

who can figure this stuff out....
i certainly can't.

bob says they came in because i'm worn down and feelin'
some self doubt....

could be.

could be they wandered on in when they saw that crack in the door....

but as strongly as i felt their presence,
i now feel their absence.

i thought it was worth throwing out here......
maybe we need to just not wrestle....
maybe we need to just wait.....
just wait........

i'm thinking i'm gonna sleep good tonite.....

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