Monday, August 22, 2011

my guess

got a comment on the blog below that had me thinking this morning.

she mentioned that she could do the light thing (you know - cover
people in light and love) to people she didn't know well or who
she liked... but had trouble doin' that for people who had hurt
her or betrayed her or she didn't like.

oh man.
no kidding.
totally understand that one.

then she asked if i had any advice on how to 'do better.'

and i smiled.

thought it would be a good thing to mull around a bit this morning.

the 'do better' part made me think of me.

i'm forever tryin' to 'do better.'

and i miss in me what i saw in this person just from her comment.....
she's doin' good already!!!

the fact that we're TRYING to cover people in light and love -
INCLUDING the ones who have hurt us and betrayed us, is pretty
darn awesome!

so my first thought is we forget to look at that part.
or at least...i do.
i forget that a lot.

and so i wanted to start there.

and then i thought about something i've struggled with for years
and years.

i can forgive someone who hurt me.
i think i can mostly do that. maybe.
but how about the person who continues to hurt, who doesn't stop,
isn't sorry, and keeps on with it???

THAT person.

how on earth do i forgive him???

i don't have much of an answer for it, but the little one i have
seems to connect with the light question....

it's this -

i have to remember to wrap myself in compassion, love and light.

and the 'compassion' part of that is real important.
it's necessary.

i think i get lost in the thought that i HAVE to wrap people in
light, i HAVE to forgive them, and then i struggle when i can't.
and i don't remember that i'm one of those people!

i get lost in the 'other people' part of the deal.

i truly believe i was raised that way.
always look to the other.
always take care of the other.

and then when i grew up, i believed that doing things like wrapping
them in light and forgiving them was helping me too so it was a
good, good thing.

and yes! i think that's true.

BUT! there's a part in that thinking that gets left out.
the part that gets left out is ME.
in that thinking i'm just a side deal in it all.
i'll do this to help them, and i'll help myself in the process.

i now believe that i shouldn't be the side deal.

i can work on me first.
i NEED to work on me first.

and that, for me, is not a natural concept.

someone hurt me? betrayed me? left a deep wound in me?
what have i done with my wound?

i think i need to heal that before i can expect the rest from me.

so....that all kinda got stirred from the comment. (thank you!)

and i guess my bottom line is, recognize that you're doin' good,
and wrap yourself in light and love and compassion for a bit.
i think then the other stuff follows......

that'd be my guess anyway.......


Nurse Practitioner Sue said...

When there are those who continue to hurt us, we've got to set some sort of boundaries. We are all forced to spend time with folks who hurt us to some degree, and I visualize myself in a bubble that in inpenetrable, so the hurt just bounces off. I concretely imagine this and it does help. But for me anyhow, I don't feel the need to forgive someone when they aren't asking for forgiveness and continue to wound me. Instead, it's helpful to set boundaries and distance myself; thinking of them with love and compassion. I don't see the need to forgive; just love and compassion for all they will miss out on in life and compassion that they are truly missing out on the best things in life. It's a profound sadness, but if they can't see it themselves and say they are sorry, all I can have is love and compassion. Not forgiveness.

Brigitte / La de Ojos Azules said...

Sometimes I think we need to examine exactly why we "need" or choose to associate with those who hurt us. Ok, as Sue says, there are times when it just can't be avoided, but what about the situations where people hurt us and we just keep going back for more; as if, this time maybe it will be different. What about those people? We are actually choosing to be with them even though they hurt us so isn't it in part our fault that we're allowing this to happen? This is where I get confused.

terri said...

sue, brigitte, you KNOW this would be good stuff over on the forum. feel free to start a discussion over there if you like.....could be really good!!!

Brigitte / La de Ojos Azules said...

Hahaha! I was thinking exactly that as I was typing... maybe this could be my first foray... we'll see!