part of the light

a lotta people i care about are struggling right now.
big time struggling that i can't help with.

i went out this morning with one friend on my mind.
his comment 'it's bad, terri, i haven't eaten in days,
and i just can't sleep.' was ringing in my head.

i stopped to say hi to my elderly neighbor.
she looked so incredibly sad this morning.
health issues/challenges facing her totally getting her down.

i left her and walked fast. wanted to walk all the pain
and struggle right out of me.

i walked a bit just processing it all.
i walked faster.
i just wasn't thrilled with life being so darn hard.

and then my mind went back to bob asking me to marry him.
don't know why. and truth is, i don't keep goin' back to
that memory, altho i should! but there i was remembering it
all of a sudden. and i was so glad i did.

i felt really good. it's a really good memory. and i just
felt so good inside.

and then i thought about all the pain and struggle that got
me/us to that point of such incredible love.

i really really saw how it meant so much to me because of
that very pain and struggle. i totally knew the value of what
was goin' on between us because of the hard stuff that had happened
in my past.

okay, ter....it all works together.
it's all one big glob.
you've got to have it all.
don't curse the darkness....
it's somehow part of the light.

i need to remember that.