Thursday, August 11, 2011

turning inward

it's only taken me forever to figure out that once around
the block just doesn't work for me. thank goodness i started
goin' around and around. it feels sooooooo good.

took the first two go arounds just to clear my head.

one to get cosmic. and one to have my heart tugged.

wonder what woulda happened if i kept at it!

on my last round, i passed two young guys.
absolutely beautiful young men. light skinned black,
great dreadlocks, and beautiful faces.

unfortunately they had been drinking too much, and were
still at it.

as i walked towards them, i reminded myself they could be
my sons. i always tell myself that when i'm walkin' towards
guys that are bigger than me.

and when i got up close and saw how beautiful they were,
i really thought about how they could be my sons.

they had the gorgeousness of youth, ya know? great smiles.
just as i was getting ready to give them a friendly
good morning, they gave me one first. big smiles. of course,
whatever they were drinking may have helped that.
but still....

i looked into their faces.
they looked like really good, really lost guys.

they just had 'lost' in their eyes.

i thought of all they could be doing this morning.
with all that youth, strength and potential.

and my heart got tugged.

i wanted to go mother them and laughed at myself.
that just won't work, ter.

you can't even mother your own sons anymore.
gotta let them all be.

i had a dream i woke up to. not sure what it was all about.
just know the sentence i woke up to was me saying that i'd
do the mothering thing all over again in a heartbeat if i could,
only this time i'd do it better.

that's what i woke up to.

well, i think the only one i get to keep mothering is myself.


you're such a believer in potential, ter, you're such a believer in

and once again i turn inward...

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