watching

women are interesting creatures.
actually, so are guys.
i guess we'll say humans are.

but i was thinking of women this morning as i'm watching
different women around me making their different decisions.
some i'm rootin' on with all that i have inside of me,
and some i'm raising my eyebrows at, squirming a little
and hoping for the best.

i sat out on my porch this morning thinking of them.
thinking how fascinating it is to watch. what's motivating
them, and the paths they're taking to get to where they're
getting....that kinda thing.

then i wondered what it would be like to watch me right now.

ohmygosh.

it'd be hard as most of what's goin' on with me is internal
at the moment.
not a lot to see on the outside. bit *i* can see it.
and i haven't been watching - i've been living it.

and it occurred to me that watching it was a good idea.
would help me see better.

last nite in the middle of the nite i had this weird
incredibly strong emotional turmoil thing goin' on. and
now this morning i feel calmer than i have in weeks.

now go figure that one.

now that's worth watching.
first of all i can't figure out how that happened or
what on earth that means.
and then, the calm will prolly be gone within a few
hours.

so....what will make it go? why will it go? what will i be
reacting to? what will be driving me? and what will be my
goals?

will i watch and learn?
or will i get swept away?

lately all i've been doin' is being swept away.
i've been workin' on hangin' on.
not watching.

hmmmmm.....