adjusting the degrees

reading clarissa last nite, i hit a part talking about fire -
'a woman must be willing to burn hot, burn with passion, burn with words,
with ideas, with desire for whatever it is that she truly loves.'

she talks about how often we turn our backs to the fire -
'most of us would do better if we became more adept at watching
the fire under our work, if we watched more closely the cooking process
for nourishing the wild self.'

i love this woman.

but something about the wording i noticed......a woman must be WILLING
to burn hot.

willing.

when i'm in a good spot, oh, i am so willing.
i am diving right on in.

when i'm in a not so good spot, i'm not that interested.

and when i'm in a bad spot, i turn my back on it all.

that's the same as my heart, right?
that's like when my heart is open, closing and closed.

it feels like the same thing to me....
a woman must live with an open heart/a woman must be willing to burn hot.

i don't know, it feels the same to me.or not the same...
but like they're totally connected. you can't have one without the other.

i'm just wondering if sometimes if i focus more on my creative fire and tending that,
that maybe that's yet another tool to keeping my heart open.

seems that my heart closes because of my interactions with people.

seems like my heart awakens when i'm creative.

what if when i'm starting to feel myself being pulled under by people happenings
in my life, what if i MAKE A POINT of stoking my creative fire?

will that help?

it's got to.

i've done it instinctively to save myself when i started bone sighs.
it was a reaction to pain. it was a way to stay sane.

but what if i paid attention and focused on the creativity BEFORE the pain.
ya know?
as well as during and after.

what if i absolutely KNEW that doing creative things i love - was ESSENTIAL.

i've known that to some degree.
but this morning, what i'm trying to say is, i think that my degrees have been way off.
i think that this is more important for me than i ever realized. for everyone. not just me.

how many times do we put off/give up/leave a project for a reason that has nothing
to do with our heart's longing?

i knew it mattered not to do that.
i just don't think i really understood how much it matters not to do that.
this morning, i'm thinking it's huge.

and i'm kinda excited about this thought...