Tuesday, September 27, 2011

a pretty good nudge...

we don't really even know each other yet.
just thru blog posts and a few notes here and there.

we had exchanged a few quick notes yesterday.
i was closing down my computer, saw her last note where she said
she was getting sick, and decided to just write her quick and tell her i hoped
she felt better in the morning.

and then this thought popped into my head.
and then a nudge.
tell her the thought.
ah no, i don't want to tell her, i thought.
she doesn't know me and i'm gonna look like such a darn weirdo.
but you know these nudges - after awhile you start to trust them,
even when they do make you look foolish.

so i wrote her and told her one of the kindest things i ever do for myself -
and i do it very very rarely - is to take some quiet time all by myself, touch
my hand to my hair, kinda stroke it and tell myself i love myself.

yeah, i know.
i feel silly putting it out here.
BUT! if you've never done this.....you may want to try it.
i swear it's so darn powerful.

i think there's something with the touch with the words...
you just hit tenderness.

so as i typed i realized maybe it was ME who needed to hear this message.
maybe it was ME who needed this.

so last nite as i turned over to go to sleep, i did it.
and this time, for the first time ever, tears didn't immediately come to my eyes,
but something else happened.

it was like my inner child just stepped right out with me. like she was there.
and i found myself just gently touching my head talking to her.

and my gosh, did she need it.
she so needed it.

how is it parts of us need us so badly and we don't realize it????
or at least, that's the way with me.
i should have known tho.
and i guess from my nudge, part of me knew.

i soothed her, talked to her like a mom would talk to a child,
and i fell asleep with her. i fell asleep with part of me that's been feeling
really alone and forgotten.

how amazing is that?

there's so much to us.
we're so complicated. so intricate.
and yet, i guess, so easy.
we just need to love ourselves so badly.
to nurture oursleves - all of ourselves.

i wonder why i forget.
and i'm so thankful i remember.


Ruth said...

Reaading this has just scared me so much. I know why, it's because It's so hard for me to reach out to her. I don't want to and she is so needy. Thanks for posting this. I know I have to get past this, but it is so hard and scary to me.

AkasaWolfSong said...

This really hit me in the gut just now...because for me hair is sacred, and your message about it is powerful indeed.

Thanks for the nudge Sweet Sister...thank you!


Brigitte / La de Ojos Azules said...

Hey big sis! Your words are like the pebble that creates ripples in a pond. Your "nudge" has touched many people, me included, that really needed to hear this. I've only ever seen my inner child once, in a dream, but I so need to see her again. Maybe this nudge was meant for me as well... thanks ter!

Sorrow said...

like looking in the mirror every morning and saying " I love you" to that old and wrinkled puss.