celebrating take two!

it hasn't been my best month or two...
there has been a lot of stuff just eatin' at my insides.
i spend my days trying to focus on the good,
trying to look at life and be okay with it,
and sometimes just trying to keep going with a good attitude.

this morning as i thought about it, i thought 'it's just really kinda sucked.'

and then i thought of the word 'sucked.'

and it has.
it's been feelin' like it's been tryin' to suck the light out of me.

and like i've been fighting to keep that light in me.

that's what it feels like's been happening.

recently, i noticed something it did get from me.

the joy.
that got sucked right out of me.

and quite honestly, i think that's one of my best features -
i'm joyful.

'cept lately

i figured it out recently, and it scared me.
or worried me. or something.

cause i know i can't let that die.
i know that.

i did some thinking, and feel like i'm on the right track to get back
what i've lost. so that's all good.

and as if to celebrate that commitment, i get a day of joy today!
i woke up thinking about it and smiling!

i picked out my star earrings to wear.
i have stars dangling from my ears right now.
and as i put them on, i thought 'ohmygosh, have you forgotten???
you're filled with stars, terri! and you've forgotten!!'

but i could feel them tingling inside me today!

we're doin' 'take two' of noah's birthday today! me and my guys
are gonna take the darn day off and goof around!

oh, i can't even begin to say how much i need it.
how there isn't anything i'd rather do today than this.
and how i'm gonna soak up every darn joyful moment of it
and use it to remember that i can't lose my joy. i can't.

i have a hefty schedule today -
there's laughing and wandering and exploring and taking pictures
and laughing and talking and being and laughing and feeling joy.

i swear, the tears come to my eyes when i just think about touching joy today.
gosh, i've missed it.
how can we let part of ourselves disappear when those parts mean so much to us?
i guess we just get so distracted with other stuff, or the energy just gets wiped
away...or our heart begins to close...

you know what we need? we need all those little gauges like on the dashboard
of a car. your joy tank is low, your heart is getting cold, those kinda things.

i guess we have those, don't we? i sure can feel it when it's goin' on.
we just need to really pay attention and do more than just say 'oh yeah.'
we gotta fill up the tank!

today i'm fillin' the tank with some premium stuff, and i'm so tickled about that!
it's just what i need!